Place

I’ve been busy apartment hunting these past couple of weeks and I just deposited on a great place.  I can’t remember the last time a place felt like home, actually I can… it was about 4 years ago in my apt in Plymouth Meeting.  Since then I’ve moved to a place in south Philly and really didn’t do much to it because the idea was to live there temporary while we flip the house and sell it at profit.  Because of that, I didn’t add too much of myself into that place.  Two years later, when I moved out… I didn’t miss it much.  I do miss having my own place.

 

When I saw this ad in craigslist, I had already told another place that i was going to sign for it, so i felt bad for even looking at this place.  The fact that it’s a loft made me had to at least check it out.

When I walked in to looked at the place, I was ready to call it home.

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drive

buzzed or drunk so i might take this down

 

I’m a passenger
with no one at the wheel
waiting for you
but I’m stuck still
I didn’t mean to meet you
I didn’t mean to fall for you
I didn’t mean to hate you
for making me feel this way
with you, I’m so out of place
your touch doesn’t mean what I want
your kiss, in my sleep it haunts
hoping these drinks to shutter
maybe I’d forget
replace me with another
and lies to myself
that I’m alright
and lies to you
that I’m fine tonight
and my heart bruised
when you smiled tonight
it’s cold in this car
the heat’s not as warm as your hand
I won’t get too far
so I give up while I can
and I’m driving on home
and I’m driving alone
and I hope it’s alright
if we just leave tonight
and your secrets unkept
at your cold front door steps

another piece

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Earthquake and Tsunami damage-Minamisoma, Japan

Image by DigitalGlobe-Imagery via Flickr

I’m starting to lose hope in humanity.  Well that’s not true, I’ve started a long time ago, but all this news around the world just fans the flame.

The other day I read the news about Japan…. wait, I should start before that.  While at work one day last week, in the cafeteria this old man found some money and left it on the table and asks if anyone had dropped it.  I thought that was pretty amazing to see.  This little lady came up to him and joked about something and walked away, then this guy comes over and asks about it.  The one that found the money asked him how much was the amount, and he couldn’t answer him but the guy gave him the money anyways.  I sat there and saw all this happening… and i knew it wasn’t his money.  I watch this crook walked away from view of the old gentleman and counted the money and looked and me and started smiling.  Showing me this money like I’m a part of this.  I was pissed.  For a second there was hope in humanity then there was someone to rob it.  I was annoyed at myself for just watching it.

Then a couple days later, I woke up to the news of Japan.  It is devastating.  So the world responded and helped out with what they can and still are.  That’s when ignorance started pouring in… people started bitching about us always helping but never getting help in return.  They don’t know that when you’re the big brother, that’s what happens.  They bitch and whine about us giving money out there when they don’t realize we took so much from “out there”.  Fucking idiots.  They don’t realize how dire everyone is right now.  If one major country like Japan actually falls, we’re all FUCKED.  We’re all hanging on a thread so thin, maybe it’s better to be ignorant.

There are these nuclear reactors that’s in danger of a melt-down right now in Japan and also radiation leaks.  Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if in a week or two Japan would fall.  This is just another piece that’s falling in place.

Meanwhile in the middle east….

traffic light

 

and there you go
straight into the spotlight
and i was to follow
but baby i was just too slow

and then it showed
i might be the wrong guy
tried to deny and hide
cause ending this way always blow

so we end
before it turned green
and quietly sitting there
pretending that we could be friends

and you cried for that moment
oh you cried for that moment
inside
i turned away, i couldn’t face
looking through those beautiful
eyes


there will be times
like this all the time
when we will be stronger
when we will never be this weak

but this time
this moment in time
i lost my balance
feeling emptiness down in my knees

then it rained
as hard as this heartache
i stood there watching
as you finally start walking away

and I damn nearly cried
oh I damn nearly cried
inside
turning away, i had to face
never seeing those eyes

It’s the end of the world as we know it and i feel fine…

04/52

Image by diegodiazphotography via Flickr

Everyday during my break at work, i’d read the news and everyday it’s something going on in the middle east. What Egypt Tunisia (I was corrected) started is a revolution.  I wonder if the media here is trying to downplay that.  It is one of the biggest thing to happen there in decades.  The people stood up to their government… and won.  Tunisia then Libya are having the same thing happening.  I feel sorry for the people of Libya but I think they’ll overcome this.  You can not hold down the people for long.  Hopefully the money will spread more evenly to the people after these regime changes.  I see what’s happening there and waiting for the ripples to hit here.  Some have already, gas prices for example are near $4 a gallon (for premium).  I see, somewhat of a financial revolution happening here because of the recession.  I think it’s still changing.  Consumerism and technology is all catching up to us.  We’re now finally seeing the dangers of spending.  The american dream is changing.  It’s been… “down sized”. For the first time in years, we all have to worry about how we spend our money… from our household to the white house.

The sad part about all of this is, if/when we get out of this recession we can’t really learn from it because our ideals will put us back here again eventually.  In a perfect world, no one will go to bed hungry and no one will be morbidly obese but it’s not and it’s so fucked up on so many levels.  When i think about money and capitalism, i think about a see-saw.  It will always go up or down… never balanced because no one is content with that. The money you get is taken from somewhere.  The rich will get richer and the poor… well.  You’ll see soon enough as the money of the middle-class goes to the rich and the middle-class shrinks.

We can’t wake up if we don’t know we’re asleep.

the sea at night

so you caused a ripple in me

and i’m not sure how to react

stuck in a perpetual sea

and your distance turns black

i’m not saying that it’s good

i’m not saying that it’s bad

but it would be nice

if you’d say anything at all

and all this rages inside

between the times we don’t talk

these things are kept deepest

but if you can keep a secret

secretly, in my clouded mind

i’ve cut you down a thousand times

stabbing at your flaws

stabbing at your flaws

stabbing stabbing

but the scars, they will never show

because you’ll never really know

no, you’ll never ever really know

how far in the dark i can go

blue

slow me down, take my hand

this is the wrong way to run

i’m too fast, i’m too hot

always jumping the gun

running fast to your light

i’m always out of breath

before the finish line

and i wonder, will i survive with what’s left

 

here i go, i won’t learn

as fast as i can, i will run

and my lungs, oh they burn

i will give all until we’re done

to see your eyes and it’s hue

i’ll set fire to these streets

is that alright with you?

that is until you leave

and you’ll know how far by the count of my steps

and i wonder, will i survive with what’s left

 

 

 

 

Dark circles

 

I build you up to break you down
You’ll know these truths when you on the ground
Know my pain like you know my veins
Your last breath wasted on my name
Your pretty eyes couldn’t save you girl
Does it soothe if i felt shit afterwards?

I warned you once i warned you twice
You went along and rolled the dice
As i said, i didnt want to hurt you
Should’ve stayed away from my dark circle

You sweet, i know, with your demons
You smile and hide, i still see them
You thought you could invest some time
Your mistake was you couldn’t see mine
And when its you or me in our darkest hour
Trust me to be the one to send flowers

Don’t call it a comeback…

Cover of "Kung Fu Panda  (Widescreen Edit...

Cover of Kung Fu Panda (Widescreen Edition)

I have a trend where i stop writing on my blog during the winter, someone mentioned it might be “seasonal depression“… maybe.  BUT….. I don’t think so.  It’s just… they are boring boring times.  Really, if i write during the winter it would start out like “woke up, looked around… will try again tomorrow.”  This will loop for the long long months.  So let’s get filled in on the happenings of the past couple months… got a job, that’s a pretty big one.  So now, moving back out again is the next step.  The main thing i missed about living alone was the girls I’d have over, not saying there were a lot… but just saying.  Second, was just my own damn personal space!

 

The past couple of months i’ve been getting a lot healthier.  I’ve started training my cousins in martial arts.  The other day I told my friend this and he started laughing and he said, in his shrieky ching chong voice “what are you teaching? you don’t know anything”.  I was in shocked.  I’m like the real kung fu panda and this fool was about to get an early showing of the sequel.  Lucky for him, we were eating something delicious and i was able to subdue the inner dragon.

 

So in this gray winter I’m having, something unexpected happened.  Someone added color to it.  She asked if I were to write about her, what would I say… I just smiled.  The thing is, i don’t want to get too excited and jump too high only to hurt myself when i land.  It’s hard not to though.  Every rule in my game book doesn’t seem to work or rather, doesn’t apply to her.  Still, past experience will always keep me grounded.  We’ll see.

iQuitter

Tonight, I’ve decided to give up on a few things.  I was just tired of it.  Tired of feeling this way.  I found myself having a crush.  It was wonderful.  I haven’t felt that way in a very long time.  I gave up on it because I know how these things end.  It was good to feel that way for a bit though.  Maybe I’ll sleep better now.